the social world of children with hematological conditions

this is the chapter i have been writing since mid-august. roughly 3 months on the making and i am not getting there. i still need to focus more my approach. i want to show the 'non-professional' work those concerned others put, how they organize themselves in relation to the irruption of these illnesses in their children's lives, how they have to be separated for months or even years, how they need to travel and/or relocate themselves, how they need to learn new skills and enhance their abilities to mobilize resources within the children's hospital and outside it in governmental offices, ngos, and other institutions. this chapter is the last i need to write but i have to say that only one of the seven is more or less ok. the rest need huge re-writing and reconceptualizing and retunning my discussion and what i bring as new to this field of tensions.
alright. here am i.

DOLOR

cual es la diferencia entre dolor y sufrimiento (si es que hay alguna diferencia) y cual es la relacion entre dolor, sufrimiento y amor?

es doloroso escribir sobre el dolor. sobre todo cuando no esta claro a donde voy...

empezando otro capitulo

veremos como sale. por ahora 2p. hoy lo vi a BM, mi supervisor, y me dijo q esta leyendo un capitulo que le mande antes. dice q no esta tan mal pero que hay que enfocarlo mas. foco. foco. foco. mientras tanto la semana pasada nos fuimos con A y F de campamento con una pareja de amigos y su beba y otros amigos de ellos. la pasamos rebien.

terminé el capitulo

y se lo mandé a AB. no estoy contento con lo que salió. espero poder mejorarlo. por otro lado, hoy a la tarde jugue 1.30h al disc golf con F y la pasamos muy bien. estan haciendo dias hermosos.

ejem

So I didn't update this for some time. It seems something is emerging although I am not so happy with it. I am trying to have a draft of this chapter by Sunday so I can exchange it with AB (she will give me one chapter of her book). We'll see. I am trying to talk about children and childhood but I still feel that children are not 'talking' too much which is a big contradiction... I will try to fix this.

start all over

Ok. This is not working. I tried to print it, working with scrivener, working with MS word. It didn't work. So, what I did was to start a new document from scratch. And be more inductive, forget about the big concepts I was thinking. Just go slowly from one idea to another. I will use staff I already wrote but I will try to work this way from the bottom up. We'll see how it ends.

still not clear

trying my best to clarify my thoughts. i feel i will make it, but right now it is unclear where i am going with this chapter.

on another note, here is a good quote from deleuze about children

"Parents are themselves a milieu that children travel through: they pass through its qualities and powers and make a map of them. (…) There is never a moment when children are not already plunged into an actual milieu in which they are moving about, and in which the parents as persons simply play the roles of openers or closers of doors, guardians of thresholds, connectors or disconnectors of zones. The parents always occupy a position in a world that is not derived from them. Even with an infant, the parents are defined in relation to a continent-bed, as agents along the child’s route (Deleuze. 1997. What Children Say, Essays Critical and Clinical. Translated by Daniel W. Smith and Michael A. 

update

Clouds on the horizon. In the last days I have a feeling that everything that I write doesn't make much sense. That is just a bunch of texts put one next to the other. Some random data from my fieldwork plus brief concepts and ideas from others... I guess at one point my mind will clear a bit and I will finish the chapter...

scrivener

starting to use the trial version of scrivener to write my ch4. i've found it very useful. we'll see how it goes. if i can write my chapter well i may buy it. in the meantime, relieved that the stress on my head is just a muscle spasm. still my back is stiff as a rock. missing yoga for the last 1.5 years... though can't complain because life is good, and F is so wonderful. my writing? ok, today i wrote a bit. trying to make sense of children and childhood in the context of my research. What are the beliefs about what children are, and not only what should be “done” with them but also what can medicalized children’s bodies do (under these circumstances)? 

waking up late, having breakfast late, reading newspapers for a while, A mad at me because we don't go outside, getting outside to the library with F, coming back, short nap for F, and getting out again to E house welcoming party... no work on my dissertation at all today.

working on ch4

working on ch4, going to play disc golf alone and with franka (2 times per day)

3p outline of my dissertation and ch4

Today I just sent my 3p outline to my supervisor and I will start to write ch4. Which in fact was split from Ch3 so I do have some stuff already written. I will need to read it and see what things stay and what don't and what needs to be added and improved.

yes.

Today I've sent a draft of Chapter 3 (which I think now is Chapter 2) to my supervisor... Good.

...working...

Yesterday I worked on Ch3, I am getting there but slowly. I am hoping to finish the draft today... We'll see.

Last Friday... work with the TA Union and then nothing on my dissertation...
Weekend, bike, playgrounds, and seeing friends with Ana and Franka... and nothing on my dissertation.

OK. I am back.

I will try to write something everyday about my dissertation-writing-process. I am not sure if I will be as funny as JP on his Como hago una tesis but I will try to record my ups and downs, my hopefully getting-close-to-the-shore journey. So. Today, I am happy because I left the computer on the table, printed one part of Chapter 3 and worked on it during the morning. I can't do anything if I am working on my computer. Here's a tip: once you have something, print and work on paper, you can move forward quickly.